Impenetrable

My teenagers squished me into a mom sandwich today; first my two boys and then middle boy and daughter. I underestimate how much they need me to be there for them physically. The boys have a technique where they both whisper in my ear on opposite sides of me while pretending to be Nicholas Cage giving me secrets to find the National Treasure. Two giant boys who are man-sized squeezing up on me on the couch breathing their hot, stinky teenager breath down my neck. Then they decided to air-drop me obnoxious memes, machine gun style. I couldn't reject their requests fast enough and even when I did, they'd just resend the same meme. This went on for a good 30 minutes.

Daughter wanted to look at dozens of pictures of finger monkeys (as the name implies, a monkey small enough to sit on your finger), mini pigs and sugar gliders and hypothesize which animal would be next to join our family. She loves cute furry things for about 10 minutes and then bores of their company. She needed my undivided attention and if my eyes wandered off the screen, she'd redirect my gaze. Her older brother, the middle kid, joined us on the couch. They flanked my either side and then the miniature schnauzer jumped up and sat on my lap.

She'll only take a photo with me if she makes a funny face or sticks out her tongue. That's the thing about adolescents; they want to be near you but they don't want to seem like they want to be near you.

To parent a teenager one must become impenetrable. Their words and their actions rarely coincide and their thoughts and emotions bump around like pinballs. One minute you can be bloodied from a barbed tongue and the next you must reassure their insecurities. It's as much fun as hanging out with a swarm of angry bees or playing with broken glass. In my experience this can be worse with girl children.

My husband sent me an article about parenting last week. The author stated the decision to become a parent was selfish and driven out of a prehistoric Darwinian need to perpetuate your genetic pool. He hypothesized that there is nothing selfless about having children because it's about preservation of your blood line. That might be correct. Why else would a perfectly sane and rational person decide to subject a giant portion of their life to irrationality? However to nurture a living being beyond insemination some self-sacrifice must be involved. It's this realization that you are no longer the center of the universe that makes being a parent so challenging. I still don't have this perfected.

I used to think I was cool, nerdy cool, but cool nonetheless. Then the next generation comes along and usurps you. They mock everything you say, wear, listen to, eat, enjoy,...The way I chew my food drives my daughter to the brink of sanity. When her father and I eat, she has to leave the room. The boys think their father and I are cute, as in slightly crazy and demented cute. But all 3 of them greatly value our wallets. New Cole Haan loafers at $160; that is serious stuff that is needed and suddenly everyone appreciates mom and dad. Want a ride to a friend's house and the parents are amazing. Wanna stay up late listening to podcasts and we are the wisest people in the greater metropolitan area.

I don't like the descent into obscurity any more than the previous generation liked it. In my own youthful arrogance, I never thought it would happen to me. Regardless of the daily lesson of humility that is parenting, I still would do it all over again and with the same kids. The finished product has light years until it's complete. In the meantime I'll keep sitting on the sofa with my kids and provide them with mockable material. It will come full circle in the end and that's when Lee and I will get our rightful reward. When I sit with them I get glimpses of who they are becoming and that is all I need.