This is our interpretation of what our daughter's Lincoln Memorial project would look like had she actually done it herself. I think she'll take at least an 89 on her lack of effort.
Lee and I must be the worst parents on the planet. She's been telling us about this project for weeks. Lee even texted about 37 different photos of the actual Lincoln Memorial from their recent trip. All along we had planned to photoshop a picture of daughter's face onto the Lincoln statue. We had it all planned out except for the actual execution.
At 9 o'clock while we are laying (lying?) in bed she suddenly freaks out. "Oh my God! What day is it?!"
"Sunday," I reply.
"No, I mean the date?" The full on girl hysterics complete with waterworks and hyperventilating are about to begin.
"My project is due tomorrow!! What am I going to do!?!?!"
Obviously, we didn't have any of the instructions for the project/paper, but thankfully my friend bailed us out, immediately emailing over her kid's copy. Meanwhile, our daughter is wailing because she thinks that forgetting about a 3rd grade project is a tragedy akin to the sinking of the Titanic.
Lee and I had hoped that tonite might be the night we'd actually get to have a conversation, but we both just sighed as we talked our 9 year old down off the ledge knowing that our evening was going to be spent figuring out how to make a model of the Lincoln Memorial using duct tape and paper towel rolls. Between the 2 of us we have more than 20 years of graduate level education and here we are staying up late on a third grade assignment. I think I've pulled just as many late nights on elementary school projects as I did studying in medical school. Seriously. And if you did a side by side comparison of my grades in medical school against the grades my kids have made on the innumerable projects they've (I've) completed in the past 7 years, you'd wonder how I ever made it past the 3rd grade in the first place and you'd be glad medical schools don't ask for 3rd grade transcripts or require their students to do reports on the history of the cadaver with concomitant paper mâché models.
Now I'm sure that all 3 of you who are reading this are clucking and tisk-tisking about the bawdiness of my overt disregard for assignments and the honor code and self-sufficiency in children. And wondering where my daughter is going to land in 10 years if I'm rescuing her at this minor level. My response to all of you haters out there..."I have no frigging clue if I'm doing this correctly and I hope to God I'm not causing any kind of irreversible damage."
Oh yeah, she was worried that her report wouldn't be long enough because the teacher wants a full page. Guess how we fix that little problem? Increase the font size. Voilà! It's big enough for Helen Keller to read, but it's a full page!
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Bravo! You did an amazing job making it look like a 3rd grader did it. Just kidding--it's actually very good. Although, I'm not sure I would ever ask you to stitch me up (again, kidding!!)
ReplyDeleteSydney did the Marine Corp Memorial and used 4 of Henry's bajillion army men, so we had to console him for the loss. Never mind, the memorial actually has 6 men. when I pointed it out to Sydney, she just said, "oh well, you don't really see the other 2 guys whenever you are looking at it".
Your kids are going to turn out fine, and I bet they will be amazing parents, who will take pity on their own kids at the 11th hour. Then they will call and either curse you or thank you. Won't it be fun to see which way it goes?
I must be #4 - was on a boring conf call and decided to check in on a few blogs. I am definitely NOT tsk-tsking - more like LMAO! I often wonder if teachers come up with these projects as a way to get back at parents who send them shitty kids. Oh, and I do project management, but the instructions that come with school projects are unmanageable. They make no sense - to an adult OR to a kid.
ReplyDeleteLoved reading this. Hope you are well!