Thoughts have been swirling in my head for days. I can't keep denying the urge to write. I don't know if I'll post this one. Everyone has a blog now. Everyone writes their thoughts. In some ways its good and in some ways nothing is sacred any longer. I've been ecclesiastical in my thoughts lately. Everything is perplexing and everything is for naught. We all scuttle around this earth and none of it really matters. Everyone is looking out for themselves and their own best interest.

I have family who live in the same town as me and yet we might as well be in different hemispheres. I have friends in a different hemisphere and I'm closer to them than the oceans and time zones that keep us apart. I spent years of my life afraid to speak my mind and feeling unvalued and invisible. Now I freely speak my mind but others don't always value my thoughts and/or appreciate my transparency. I want my actions to speak louder than my words but most days my words cast an opaque shadow over my actions, distorting or obscuring my intentions. I don't want my children to want for anything but in giving them everything I fear they will lack hunger for relevant things.

The area of my circle has become overwhelming. The formula never changes; πr2. There is a constant and a variable. When you are increasing the radius by an exponent of two, even the slightest adjustment significantly changes the area of your circle. I keep pushing that radius just a little bit more and suddenly my landscape is a venn diagram of overlapping crop circles. The problem is the landscaping is killing me. It's just too much maintenance. I've no sooner mowed down one area when another is so overgrown that I no longer need a mower but a machete. The grass is so tall and dense that I loose my bearings and I never remember to bring my compass. I find my way home, but I'm dehydrated and my legs are all scratched up and I'm covered in insect bites.

And yet I have everything I need within the distance of an outstretched hand. I need to put the binoculars away because I've been looking through the wrong end this whole time.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.