The dog just walked by with a pair of dirty underwear in her mouth. She kind of glanced over at me from the corner of her eye to see if I was going to do anything about it and then walked into another room very sheepishly. As a dog, she can't control her urges, but there was shame in her eyes. Her proclivities, though unsettling, are not limited to intimate apparel. Her palate extends to shoes, socks, stuffed animals or anything else that she might feel inclined to destroy.
I just returned from a weekend away from home. It was a lovely chance to reconnect with two of my dear college friends. While no one was looking, we became middle-aged. But, sitting around with them we might as well have been back in our freshman dorm. I wonder if it will be the same when we are sixty? I hope and pray that my daughter has the benefit of strong female relationships. Not having any sisters, my female friends are incredibly important to me and they have helped shape me. I want her to experience the satisfaction of having best friends in her life time. Girls that she can giggle with when she is both 6 and 36 years old. There is nothing more reassuring than sitting around in your pajamas with your girlfriends and laughing at nonsense. It's a sense of security that you are loved and accepted, regardless of how you look or feel.
I tried to impose the strong girl relationship on my daughter through a cookie-selling organization that I'll refer to as 'the female adventurers'. If felt wrong from the outset and I should have known better, never having been a member of any sanctioned girl-club. First of all, my daughter could care less if she was to be a pansy or a lemon-square or whatever the groups may be. Secondly, it was just too hard. A gathering of girls should not be as difficult as this organization makes it. If we forget about the colossal lack of planning that went into the registration rally, which was a bunch of grown women panicking about whether or not their daughters were going to get into the right pansy group, and we talk about the commitment that is required of the mothers you might as well jump directly into the briar patch. That is precisely what I did-lock, stock and barrel. I drank the kool-aid and worried that my daughter might not get picked to go to the ball if I didn't sign up and sign up all the way. So, I sat through the first meeting and the second and the third. I made excel spreadsheets and I e-mailed other mothers about meeting times and philosophies. I read the introductory manual. Still none of it seemed right. The mountain of required paperwork seemed more prohibitive than filing your my own taxes. I was ready to take my blood oath...until some crazy, bee-atch mama went off on me b/c, according to her, I was slacking (not pulling my weight, being lazy, making excuses....fill in the blank). The weirdest part about it was that I didn't even know this woman. I had talked to her on two or three prior occasions and all of the sudden she feels compelled to critique my intentions and offer advice on how and when I should obtain childcare so as to not miss any opportunity to be involved. Believe me, I was not mistaking helpful for critical. She was downright nasty to me. And this organization is supposed to be about fostering great female relationships.
Because she accosted me in the middle of the school cafeteria I decided that I couldn't back down. I felt like a movie character-Norma Rae comes to mind. I wasn't going to let this mean lady talk to me in such a derogatory manner, so I told her to stop. I think she was shocked to have someone stand up to her and shocked that neither intimidation nor manipulation, which seemed to be her ace cards, were working for her.
So, it's been almost 2 weeks since my little 'female adventurers' drama and I am finally starting to realize that both my daughter and I are going to be okay without them. Maybe sometime in the future we'll try again, but next time it is going to be because she is begging me to do it. Otherwise I don't need to impose my insecurities of wanting to be included in a group onto her. So, thank you Deb and Sand. Thank you for being my friends for 20+ years and for helping me to realize that, like her mama, she is gonna be just fine.
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